The boyos airsoft against a group of 12-year-olds… and lose. Jake gets a nice surprise too.


A Slight Miscommunication

When I went to go get my wisdom teeth extracted some time ago, they had me fill out a medical form. One of the pages on this form asked me to list any of my phobias. Naturally, I put down arachnophobia, fear of spiders. I later found out that page was most likely supposed to be for medical specific phobias, such as a fear of needles…That’s okay though, that just means that the orthodontist will know a little bit more about me as a person. c:

A Close Call – Saturday 4 May 2013

I hung out with my buddies Conor, Will, Jake, and Steven at Conor’s house for a while, and caught up on life. After hanging out for a few hours, I left for home. Everything seemed normal, until I was walking down the sidewalk, towards a crosswalk, and a police SUV passes me, heading in the same direction as me, with its lights flashing. It turned right at the corner ahead, and disappeared from sight, so I thought nothing of it.


I was about halfway to the crosswalk, when suddenly the SUV came back into view, lights flashing and sirens blaring, and it drove up onto the corner of the sidewalk before screeching to a halt with the front of the car turned towards me.


I froze in place, thinking that maybe they were after me, but then I noticed that the police SUV was actually trying to cut off a guy on a bike that was on the same sidewalk, also heading in my direction. The guy on the bike had a bald head, and the clothes he wore looked a little thuggish. A police officer flung open the SUV’s driver door and took off after the biker on foot, while the biker cussed and hollered “what are you doing!? What the fuck are you doing!? Fucker!”


Both the biker and his police pursuer were on a direct collision course with me. The only thing I could think to do was sidestep into the driveway to my right, so I wouldn’t get hit. Luckily, I wasn’t put in a position to act, because while they were still a few houses away, they went from the sidewalk out into the street, and passed around me. The police officer, realizing he wasn’t going to catch the biker on foot, hustled back to his SUV, and drove away, until they were both out of sight.  It was pretty intense; it felt like an action movie.

Awkward Heroics

When I was a senior in high school, the English curriculum was heavily centered around aspects of a hero, and the hero’s journey. One example of a hero’s journey that we studied was the movie Braveheart. During one of the scenes of the movie, the king of England makes some sort of evil plan about sacrificing his wife and somehow using it to his political advantage; when one of his subordinates questions him about his plan, he says something evil sounding like “a queen must make sacrifices for the good of her country…” I thought that the way he said the line was pretty funny, so I turned around smiling to my buddy who sat behind me. The only problem was, I didn’t know that he was absent that day, and I ended up smiling at some random Asian girl I didn’t know, sitting two desks behind me. She looked sort of startled, and was probably pretty confused. I didn’t know what to do so I just turned back around and faced forward. That little scene didn’t go unnoticed, and for the next ten minutes I heard classmates around my immediate vicinity snickering. It was… It was pretty embarrassing, but I was laughing as well. Eh, what can you do? That’s life.

“Look at this scoundrel!” Thursday March 21 2013

Gavin and Charles showed up at my house. They were like “let’s go hang out dude,” so I was all “alright yo o;”

We took a trip over to Santa Paula to go get Charles’ GF Angie. She was getting off work in this Starbucks inside Vons, and Charles went over to go get her. I guess that’s when Gabin decided to have some fun on one of the little electric shopping cart scooter things that people ride on, you know those? So he gets on, and he starts going around in circles, while high-fiving random people.

There was this one girl looking at cookies, and Gab was like “what’s your favorite cookie?”

She was like “uhh… chocolate?” so Gav was like “AAALRIGHT, HIGH FIVE COUKS.”

That’s when Gabin saw me leaning against one of those shelves that Starbucks has with all the bags of coffee beans that people can use to make their own.

Gabin was like “look at this scoundrel!” and he tried to ram into me, only I just stepped away and he rammed into the shelf, got the scooter lodged against it, tilted it over, and made all the bags of coffee spill fuckin all over the floor.

Gabin was all “Oh shit, wait I’ll clean it up, don’t worry, I’ll pick it up.” And Angie was all “-___- wtf damnit, you guys just wait outside.”

So we went out to go wait next to Charles’ truck, and we were like ”…so what now?”

Then I was like “<__< I broouuuuught sparklers xD” So we stuck a bunch of sparklers on a bike and lit them all, shooting sparks all over the parking lot.

Then we went over to Taco Bell, which definitely spelled out trouble. Okay pretty much all Taco Bells in the state have to learn one way or another that the boyos are always up to no good, it’s only a matter of time.

The Taco Bell next to my house already sees us as a plague, but we hadn’t been to this one in Santa Paula yet, so they were definitely not ready for what was about to happen. First, I got bored and started ripping napkins into long strips, and tying the ends together like a prison escape rope.

Meanwhile, Gabin was trying to rip a taco in half with his bare hands while it was still in the wrapper, which failed miserably and only ended up smashing the taco to shit. These two elements acted together as a catalyst for destruction.

I made a little napkin sack on the end of my rope, put Gabin’s smashed taco inside of it, and started swinging it around like a flail mace. We all decided to leave, but Gabin was lagging behind. When we were outside, Charlez o: was like “alright, I’ll lure him around the corner, and you hit him with the taco mace.” So I waited on the corner, and Gavin came out, but he was running at full speed for some reason, so I couldn’t get him on the first swing. I started chasing after him, and swung overhead at him with the taco, but the chain part broke, and the smashed taco sack flew over his head and into the open window of a car which had been waiting in the drive thru. We were all like “OOOOOOOOOH FUCK O___O!”

First we started walking faster, then we started jogging, then sprinting full speed through the parking lot while we heard some guy screaming in the distance. While we were running, Gav had to get one last high five in with this random guy that was collecting shopping carts.

After that we came back to Ventura, and picked up some old broken pallets lying around behind the shopping center there, and brought them back to Gabin’s. Those palettes would be the start of an even crazier story in the days to come, I had no idea.