Darkness on Living Deliberately

I will never ever be someone who edits what they say or write because one day a future boss might read it. I will never ever let the value anyone’s opinions get anywhere even remotely close to the value of my own. I’ve had some whacky styles in the past, but everything I’ve done, I’ve done on purpose. I didn’t decide to try to look like society’s idea of an ideal person, and then have something go wrong and come out looking like a clown; I chose to look like the clown, I’ve never made a mistake.


If one day, even on a slight whim, I decided I wanted a fucking Chinese dragon tattoo across my face, I would not even for a single second consider what Linda from human resources would think about it, or that Todd from the tennis club says that dragons are tacky. To worry about what people would think about me would be a horrible, pitiful existence, I would rather die than become one of the people who live like that. Too many people don’t know how to live deliberately. They feel compelled to live a certain way because that’s how they’ve seen other people whom they identify with live on TV shows and movies.


“Oh, I’m the smart but unattractive nerd archetype,” they think to themselves subconsciously, “so my destiny is to get an office job. If I tried to become a dancer, I’d just get laughed at.”


Or they somehow reason “I grew up in a bad neighborhood, I must be the tough bad guy that picks a fight with a protagonist at some bar,” and then it becomes some dammed self-fulfilling prophecy.


Some people even try their hardest to become some archetype like the “cool guy” by making sarcastic remarks to others. “You like that girl? Well, I hate to break it to you, but she’s a nine out of ten, and you’re… well, you’re you.” Like there’s some invisible studio audience laughing, and therefore validating their status as that character.


Too many people have this constant fear that a personification of society is standing behind them, watching everything they do. Even when they are completely alone, they feel the need to look attractive and act as cool as they can. They won’t do something silly like slam their face into a bowl of chocolate pudding, even if they’ve always wanted to try it, just because it’s not what the character they’re striving to be would do.


Have you ever heard the expression “act your age”? I never understood that one; it doesn’t even mean anything to me. I don’t get why people hear that and then decide they shouldn’t be doing whatever it is they are doing. Let me explain: I am currently the age that I am, and I am acting the way that I am acting, therefore, people that are my age act this way. I just couldn’t fathom seeing it any other way.

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