“Is that sign over there Nick?” – 11 Apr 2014

It was an average Friday night, nothing special, until Will came into my room saying something about a party at Nicks. Apparently, Jake was in town and everyone was gathering at Nick’s to celebrate. Well I am known to party fuckin’ hardy, in fact, I’m a fuckin’ party monster, so I jumped at the chance, and Will and I set out for Nick’s house.


We got there to find Jake, Kyle, Jimmy, and Sean. Everyone was partying at Nick’s house except for Nick, who was working at his little animal hospital. We ended up playing this super hardcore game called Rayman Legends. It is supposed to be like a children’s game, but it was super super hardcore; it was extremely difficult and everything went so fast. I was playing at this blue guy with a big Jew nose and a Matrix-style trench coat.


Late at night, it was time to pick up Nick, and we all hoped in Jake’s car, with me in the driver seat. We went cruisin’ down the street toward this big industrial area where Nick worked.


On the way there, there was this random ass traffic cylinder overturned in the middle of the street. I almost ran right over it, but I swerved around and barely missed it.

Everyone was all “woah what the fuck! WOAAAAAAH!”


I was lucky that the street was empty at that time.


When we made it to the industrial park where Nick worked, we started circling around looking for him while trying to talk to him on the phone.


“Nick, get your ass out here and stand in the middle of the street so we can find you!” Jimmy said into his cell.


It was hard to see anything in the black of night, and all the buildings looked the same, so it was hard to discern which one was the hospital. Suddenly Jimmy asked “is that Nick right there?”




I peered ahead.


“Standing right there!”


I peeled my eyes in the direction he was pointing.


“Dude, that’s a sign.” Jake corrected him.


We drove in a circle about three more times, and I thought for a second that I saw Nick standing right there on the street.


“Oh look, there he is right there!”


“Dude that’s the same sign from before.”




We finally found the place where Nick worked and picked him up in the parking lot. Then, it was decided that we would all go to Jack in the Box.


We went through the drive-thru and got started ordering. We got some tacos and a cheeseburger, and they asked “yo Rob, do you want anything?”


“Yeah, a chocolate-vanilla mixed shake,” I told them.


Jimmy leaned towards the speaker, “can we get a medium chocolate vanilla mixed milkshake?”


“You want two small Oreo shakes?”


We all looked at each other confused.


“No, we want one shake, that is chocolate and vanilla mixed. Do you do that, with the chocolate and vanilla?”


“Yes we use vanilla to make the chocolate.”


“What? Nooooo! Put some vanilla in the shake, and some chocolate in there too, and MIX THEM BOTH TOGETHER!”


We ended up finally getting everything we wanted, and we were back on the road. I was going 35mph on a 45 road, so Jake said “hey Rob, go 45 here.”


I slammed on the gas and the car lunged forward. I heard Jake in the back laughing and yelling “AAAAWH NOOOOO!”


I later found out that the acceleration had caused him to spill tea, and beans from his taco all over his pants.


When we were approaching Nick’s house, we made a U-turn on the street, and started going forward towards the curb parallel to the house. We noticed a homeless-looking man of massive stature coming right at the front of the car. Lit up by the headlights, he looked like he came straight out of a horror movie.


I started backing up to align the car parallel to the curb, which only elongated the time he was directly in front of the car, making a b-line toward the center of it.


“What the fuck…” I murmured, wondering where the guy had come from, and why he was heading directly at the car.


“Lock the doors Robert, lock the doors quick!” Jake stammered in a panic.


“I don’t know where the lock button is,” I said as I fumbled in the darkness. It was too late already, the man was at the front of the car. We all held our breath, as he walked around the car at the last second, and off into the darkness. We breathed a collective sigh of relief, turned off the car, and got out. We could hear the homeless man yelling something off in the distance, we couldn’t discern whether it was directed at us, or someone else.


We touched base back at Nick’s house, picked up the rest of the Boyos in a second car, and headed over to WinCo. In there, we got some jalapeno-flavored corn dogs, and some waffle fries. We also stumbled across legit whole pig legs, and had a badass sword fight with the pig legs, using the hooves as handles. One of the WinCo employees walked by our fight, saw us, and just kept on walking. He was having NOTHING to do with it, he just had this look on his face like “I’m getting too old for this shit.”


After we were done there, we went back to Nick’s place for the night. Kyle brought over a cheeseburger flavored pizza with some spicy-ass peppers on it, and another pizza made entirely into cheesy sticks.


At 3AM, Jimmy and I were feeling a little restless, so we headed to the park to light some fireworks. We lit a smoke bomb, and a few flowers in the sand. Suddenly I heard Jimmy say “there’s the cops!”


I turned around, and sure enough, there was a police cruiser turning the corner, heading parallel to the park. We both instinctively took off running on the grass back towards Nick’s house. About halfway down the field I noticed that the headlights were about to catch us, so I snapped “hit the deck!”


We fell flat forward, and sprawled out on the cold, night grass. Like a tide, the headlights crept over us, and then on along the field. My heart pounding, I watched until the cruiser was out of sight, and we got up.


“That was waaay too close,” I joked as we navigated the deserted streets back to Nick’s.


When we returned, we found Kyle already sleeping, but Jake, Will, and Nick were still somewhat awake, so we decided to pull a little prank on Kyle. We got out the camcorder, activated a fart bomb, and I set it right next to Kyle’s face.


“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!!” we all repeated, as the fart bomb expanded and filled with gas.




We all sat there with anticipation, awaiting Kyle’s reaction. He didn’t move for at least five seconds, before casually turning his head in the other direction.


“Kyle just got fucked uuuuuuup!” we all concluded proudly.


We ended up tossing another bomb at his face, a fruit one this time. He reacted even less than he did to the first one.


I ended up sleeping out on the living room couch, while everyone else slept in Nick’s small, cramped room. Jake was on the long end of the couch in Nick’s room, while Jimmy was on the small part of it perpendicular to Jake’s feet. The rest of them were in odd positions on Nick’s floor. I think I got the best spot that night as far as sleeping arrangements went.


The following morning I was awoken by Nick’s tiny dog Levi licking my face like it was covered in steak sauce.


We spent the first half of the day playing this crazy game Titanfall, which was pretty extreme.


Late at night, someone got the idea that we should all go hiking at Arroyo Verde Park.


We pulled up in Kyle’s car, sat there in the darkness for a minute, and then realized that we were all very hungry.


From the front I heard someone ask “has anyone even eaten anything?”


I was sitting in the center back seat between Jake and Will. I looked back and forth at them. None of us had eaten anything. We decided to make a quick stop at Fresh n Easy before we went on our night hike.


We wondered around the aisles inside Fresh n Easy without any idea as to what we were getting.


We came across a wall of protein bars, and decided to get some of those. There were too many to compare, so I just chose a random chocolate one.


So we were finally ready, we had our assorted protein bars, frosted animal crackers, and various nuts. We were munching and tossing around everything in the car, and we made it back to the park.


As we were heading into the park, on a long dirt trail, the darkness swirled around us, making it harder and harder to see.


“Guys,” I addressed the group, “if we hear someone from the bushes say ‘ay honkies,’ I’m pulling out the pocket knife immediately.”


“By that time,” Kyle assured me, “I’ll already have been long gone.”


We got pretty deep into the park, and ended up stopping at this picnic area on a hill. We chilled for a while, flanked by the various sounds of night. We talked about life and the future. After a time of shooting the breeze, we thought we heard something in the distance. Everyone paused and peered in the direction that we had come from. The trail was still as the night air. I saw a white sign on the trail, and knew that it was my time to shine.


“Woah woah woah, you see that, Jimmy?” I asked him.


Jimmy looked down the path and tried to focus on where I was pointing.


“No, what is it?” He asked.


“Holy shit, it’s RIGHT there! It’s so close… You see that sign right there?”




“I think that sign right there might be Nick.”


Nick, who was actually with us at the time, was thoroughly confused.


After that we went back to Nick’s, and ended up eating all the waffle fries and corn dogs that we got the previous day.


Well I slept over a second night, and when I woke up on the third day, I found Will and Jake in the middle of a marathon of this weird anime Attack on Titan. They watched this entire show non stop for a whole day, it was ridiculous. Steven and Monsantos came over to chill for a little while too. At around 6PM, we finally ended the weekend-long party. That was one weekend that none of us will be soon to forget.


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