This Shit is Bananas – 29 July 2014

Tuesday started with me, Jake, Will, Gav, and Kyle meeting over at my place. Kyle brought over his GoPro so we decided to take it down to the barranca and shoot some scenes of us wall-running in the tunnels and take a few album-cover photos.

Later, we went to CVS to pick up some things for dinner. Jake had brought his security-officer badge, and I was wearing it around clipped to my necklace so I could feel like a detective in a movie.

As we were walking in the main front aisle of the store, I noticed that there was a police officer walking straight towards us. My heart dropped as I remembered I was wearing the badge, but it was too late to do anything now. I thought about what I may say if he asked me about it. As he got closer I tried not to look in his eyes and just kept stride. When he was right in front of us he eyed me suspiciously but kept walking. I breathed a heavy sign of relief.

Jake was walking next to me but had forgotten that I was wearing his badge. When I told him what had just taken place his eyes shot open. “Oooooh we’re lucky he didn’t say anything, I could’ve gotten in so much shit,” he noted.

We went over to look for meats to make for dinner. There was a girl standing there that left when we came near. We picked out some huge hot-dog type sausages and a few pounds of thick bacon. When we walked away, the girl returned to where she had been. We realized that being a pack of rowdy hooligans, we must have scared her away.

We went to Gabin’s and started making the meat. We had some of the fat hot dogs and were starting on the bacon when we needed to go pick up some of the other Boyos. Jake and Will decided to go while Me and Gav would watch the bacon.

Will condescendingly lectured us about when it should be done and told us not to take any liberties trying to flavor it up. I decided to defy him by adding the nastiest spice I could find in Gab’s house to a single slice of bacon.

Gabin was on board with the plan and showed me where his mom kept all the obscure spices. Many of them smelled absolutely putrid, but I decided the funniest taste would be banana extract. I asked Gav how much would be good, and he replied that a single drop should be sufficient.

I decided to over-do it by pouring some on the slice itself and then spreading it up and down with a toothpick. With the others returning soon, everything was in place. I got Gwen Stefani – Hollaback Girl ready on full volume on my phone and paused it at the verse about bananas. Gavin decided to make it a true roulette by mixing up all the bacon slices so neither he nor I knew which one had been bananafied.

Jake and Will finally returned with a few others, and everyone started eating the now-ready slices of bacon. As they were all eating, I noticed Jake’s expression slowly turn from voracious to deeply pondering.

“Guys,” he noted “I think I got alcohol on my hands from that car freshener and it got on my slice of bacon because it tastes weird.”

Gavin and I exchanged knowing looks before I pressed play on my phone and sang along with Gwen Stefani, “THIS SHIT IS BANANAS, B-A-N-A-N-A-S! THIS SHIT IS BANANAS, B-A-N-A-N-A-S!”

“What? What’s going on!?” Jake asked, as he desperately tried to understand the situation. We explained to him what had happened, and ever since that day, we have never let him live down the time he at the banana-bacon.


This is a letter I sent to Facebook in Menlo Park in October 2013; sadly, nothing came of it.FbBothEdited