Rajpaul Fuckin’ Saved Us! – 3 Aug 2014

The day started with an idea hatched by Gavin, Will, and I to visit the Scary Dairy. Rumor had it that the dairy was previously staffed by inmates from a mental hospital who would sometimes be killed and mixed into the food.

On the road there, however, one of the streets was blocked, and we looked for a way around. It took about three minutes of searching for our alternate route before Will and Gavin got distracted by a hiking trail and gave up the search entirely. Reluctantly I followed and the Birdhike had begun.

We hiked over a kilometer into the mountains at a continuous angle of at least 45 degrees. I was exhausted the whole time and had to take many breaks. Eventually we reached the peak and climbed atop some boulders. We saw a nice white bird with a tag around its foot, it was probably rare.

We were on top of the world, and slowly catching our breath when suddenly we heard a voice yelling on a megaphone from far below: “YOU ARE TRESSPASSING! I AM CALLING THE POLICE! LEAVE IMMEDIATELY! … YOU ARE TRESSPASSING!”

“Are they yelling at us?” We asked each other. We looked around to try to find the source of the voice, but couldn’t locate it. We decided not to stick around, and the race back down the mountain begun.

It was more tiring going up, but a lot more dangerous going down, exacerbated by our fear of getting in trouble. More than once a rock rolled loose from under my foot, causing me to lose my balance and scrape my hands on the ground to keep from tumbling down the slope.

We half expected police to be waiting at our car and discussed on the way down what we would say to them if they gave us trouble. To our relief, the car was empty, and we hurriedly got in and started driving. We joked in the car that if we can into police on the drive home, we would tell them we were visiting our friend. We were brainstorming what our friends name would be, and I jokingly tossed out “Rajpaul,” (a douchey kid we knew back in school and what I thought would be the craziest name to give).

We didn’t get too far before a cop actually did pull us over. Apparently he was flagged by Gavin’s modified muffler, and wanted to make sure it was legal. The cop commented on Gavin’s beer-trap shifter, saying he liked it. Some drunk kids, obviously amused at the sight of us and the cop, started yelling things from across the street, but we couldn’t make out what they were saying.

After taking and returning with Gavin’s license and registration, the cop asked what we were doing around CSUCI.

“We were just visiting our friend Rajpaul,” Will quickly blurted out from the passenger seat. My eyes shot open. I thought for sure the cop was going to call bullshit.

“Rajpaul… okay!” the cop enthusiastically accepted. A short time later he was gone and we were back on the road.

The rest of the trip home, we kept repeating “dude, Rajpaul fuckin’ saved us!” with gleeful excitement.

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