This was apparently a rant that I wrote to no one in particular back when I was 20 years old. Some of it’s a little embarrassing, some of it I still agree with. My life has sure changed since then.

Does anyone else just feel extremely personally bitter about society in general? I’ve felt like a reject most of my life without feeling like I ever deserved the status.

I’m 20 and I’ve been applying for jobs since I was 16. I never once got an interview for a job I applied for. I’ve tried random ones, as well as every one that I ever saw put out a help wanted poster. I’ve tried in person, online, calling after two days, meeting the manager, shaking hands.

I feel especially angry when I apply for a job with a help wanted sign and call them back and everything, and hear nothing, yet the help wanted sign stays up. I’ve got no disabilities, physical or mental, and I’m not a total social retard, or a whale, or an ogre. I have no tattoos or piercings. I applied to every place in the food court at the local mall, every booth at a job fair at my college, and I even got yelled at for trying to apply to an ice cream store once. I have no criminal background, never used illegal drugs, I have a HS diploma, some volunteer experience, and I even made honor roll a few times.

There are 4 different McDonalds in my city, and none of them would hire me. Then I go online and I keep seeing people say “the upcoming generation has no work ethic, they can’t get jobs because they all want $100k salaries. You have to start low, like flipping burgers, but no one wants to do that.” It makes me want to strangle someone. I want to flip burgers but even the place that most people consider “the lowest of the low” won’t take me.

In high school, all of my friends either became drug dealers, joined a military branch, or got a job that a family member already had a high position at. I didn’t meet anyone in high school that got a job by going out and applying without already having an “inside guy.”

The only way I can somewhat rationalize it and convince myself to stay sane is to imagine that all these entry level fast foot/retail joints see my qualifications and believe that I am headed to high places, and that their job might slow me down.

For years now I’ve had this fantasy of some small ‘mom and pop’ store that would hire me. It would be my first “break”, I’d work there for a few months or years, before moving on to something else. Over the next ten or so years, I would somehow become extremely rich and famous. Then, I’d go back to that first store that gave me my first job when I was starting out, and invest a shit ton of money in them, and they’d just explode and become the next big thing. Then, slowly, all the previously big name stores, the ones that didn’t give my application a second look when I was just starting out, wouldn’t be able to compete, and would slowly be snuffed out one by one.

Next, the other side of the rant, girlfriends. This I’m not AS bitter about because I’ve actually had two in the past already, and they were pretty good catches. But the last was about three years ago, and I’ve had no luck since then. I don’t consider myself any time of “supreme gentleman” as some would call it. I recognize many flaws in myself. My previously mentioned lack of a job means little disposable income, and certainly no car. My face could be better aesthetically. My shyness is a definite hindrance.

With all that stated, there’s certainly nothing too glaringly wrong with me. My skin is clear, I have good hygiene, I dress in the style of the male counterpart to the females I am usually attracted to. My body is normally proportioned, my BMI is right in the center of the average range. My personality is very likable; the acquaintances I meet I turn into friends very quickly.

I live in a relatively small city, and there is little social to do here, especially being too young of the bar scene. The main place to meet people of my age group is in the classroom, and each semester, I’d hit on at least three or four girls in my class. Girls always seem like they aren’t interested in talking to people that they don’t already know somehow. I felt like I had to come up with an excuse to just start a conversation.

Similar to my fantasy about the job, I have a fantasy or some relatively homely not-too-special girl date me, then over years I end up becoming super rich and successful, and a bunch of extremely attractive girls would want to date me, but I would stick with the one that I was with before I got big. All the girls that didn’t consider getting to know me when I was small would start to hate themselves.