“Throw Anything!” – 4 July 2017

It was the Fourth of July and Gavin was having a little party. To start, it was me, Gav, and Black Sam. I brought a few things to the party, including my laptop, a confetti revolver, some snacks, and some fireworks.

First we saw this documentary “Oklahoma City” (about the bombings). It was pretty good, but Black Sam didn’t like it so we stopped it early. We had some hot dogs and spiced corn for dinner before the fireworks started. I chose the corn with the most spices on it, which ended up being a mistake and I had to take some off. Gavin stared throwing back some beers to get ready for the festivities.

When the fireworks were starting, we headed out to go watch, with our own fireworks in tow. Gavin lived on the beach in Oxnard, so the streets were lined up and down with people celebrating. We found some rocks to sit on near the water and watched the fireworks.

When the show was over, the real party began. We found a large group of teens and young adults hanging out near the parking lot on the beach. Gavin decided to wow them by running into a bathroom, lighting one of the giant box sparklers we had, running out, and setting it on the ground. It was an instant hit, everyone started hollering and jumping over the sparkler, seeing who could do the best mid-air trick. At one point this kid even grabbed the firework and ran through the crowd, but was forced to drop it as it burned his hand.

Soon, the cops pulled up and the crowd scattered. We tossed the remaining fireworks in the sand behind the bathrooms and left back to Gavin’s. We called up Nick who said he would come over later. Gavin put back some more beers and became exceptionally rowdy. He stated jumping around to some loud music with a beer in his hand, and me and Black Sam joined in. At some point Black Sam offhandedly mentioned that she could go for another hot dog.

Then, things took a turn for the insane. Gabin grabbed a shoe on his apartment floor and launched it like a football as hard as he could at his ceiling. It made a loud *THUMP*, which seemed to egg Gavin on. He loudly and gleefully exclaimed “THROW ANYTHING!” immediately before taking a skateboard off the wall and tossing that at the ceiling as well. The skateboard punctured a large hole in the ceiling about the size of a grapefruit, and sent debris flying across the room, as if a hand grenade had just gone off.

Recognizing the increasing rambunctiousness and potential negative consequences, Black Sam tried her best to calm Gavin down, but he insisted on becoming more destructive, repeating matter-of-factly “it’s my house, I paid for it, it’s my house, I paid for it.”

Gavin jumped a few times to gain momentum near his door before shoulder-checking into it akin to a hockey player. “Gavin! Gavin! Stop!” Black Sam attempted to plead. It gave Gabin momentary pause before he tried the maneuver again, this time from a greater distance. This time, the door window gave way, spilling shards of glass everywhere

“It’s my house, I paid for it, I get to do what I want,” Gavin explained.

At that point Nick arrived, and surveyed the now destroyed apartment. We explained to Nick the events that had transpired, and he was hesitant to even believe us at first, but when he saw just how drunk Gab now was, he knew we weren’t making it up.

The four of us danced around to some music for a bit more, with Gav putting back even more beers, barely able to keep himself from falling over. I made Nick eat one of the stale cake-pops that I had brought over by sneaking up and shoving it in his mouth. Every so often, Gabin would open the front door and toss firecrackers at some of his neighbors one floor below, who were talking outside.

Suddenly Gavin remembered that Black Sam wanted a hot dog earlier, so he stumbled his way to the kitchen, mumbling “I’m goonna make a hotdog. I’m gonna make a hotdoooog.”

Same immediately interjected “No! Gavin! You can’t! You’re too drunk!”

Nick grabbed Gavin around the torso and dragged him away from the stove and into the living room.

Gavin went limp and fell to the ground, slithering away while chanting in a high pitched voice “a fucken hah-daaaaaag, mofuckinhah-daaaaaag!”

He became adamant and started getting a pan out of his cupboard. “Gavin you’re going to burn yourself!” Sam warned.

“It’s my house I paid for it, and if anyone tried to stop me from making a hotdog they’re gonna leave!” Gavin warned.

As Gavin was about to turn on the stove, Nick and Black Sam managed to drag him back into his bedroom.

Suddenly Gab’s entire demeanor changed, he started struggling like a caught fish, trying to shake Nick off.

“FACK HYUUU, FACK HYUUUUU, FACK HYUUUUUUU!” he screamed as he ran through the house.

He took the frying pan that he previously put on the stove and tossed it by the handle across the kitchen.

He then ran into the living room and flipped an entire table filled with bottles, my laptop (which broke), and things things across the room. The table and everything on it crashed against the wall. Nick managed to catch up to Gavin and wrassle him to the ground.

While pinned, Gavin gave a beastly struggle while yelling ferally “FAACK HYUU, FACK OFFA ME! AAAAARG, GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

We finally got him to calm down by agreeing to go for a walk on the beach with him. Black Sam was the most shaken up and stayed behind to recuperate.

When we made it to the beach, we went to find the fireworks that we stashed earlier. While we were picking them up we noticed a small Asian man walking towards us. He stopped about 10 feet away. We didn’t know if he wanted some fireworks too or what. We kept walking and picking up more, and the man followed us again, stopping 10 feet away.

Finally he spoke up “Hey are you guys trying to shoot fireworks at my friends? I don’t care that you got them, I have a mortar in my pocket, I just want to make sure you’re not trying to shoot my friends.”

The three of us were very confused “Uhhh, no, we’re not trying to shoot your friends.” We assured him.

“Oh, okay,” he said before walking off.

We shot some roman candles over the ocean and calmed down Gabin, before heading back. When we got back to Gabs, We got Gab into bed and Black Sam made him eat a hamburger bun and drink some water (which he spilled all over himself). Gab finally fell asleep so me and Nick left him with Black Sam and took off.

It was the most memorable Fourth of July I have ever experienced.


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